Leading From the Second Chair Without Taking Myself So Seriously

My colleagues always notice my facial expressions during tough times at our school or even when administration's ridiculous notions of school reform cross the lines for what is right for the child. I have a tendency to wear my emotions not just on my sleeves, but on every article of clothing. I've always been the silent advocate of the child and have shied away from telling others about the great things I do in the classroom. I didn't want the attention, I would tell myself, but the truth is, I didn't know how to toot my own horn without blowing it. If I did speak out, they would ask me to tell others, but what if what I was doing, is shunned on by others? What if they don't like my ideas? What if? What if? Oh Shut up Brian! I realized something on the way back from San Antonio listening to my Art of Possibilities CD. I don't have to shout from the mountain tops about what I'm doing. I'm already leading from the position I'm in. I recalled reading a letter sent to me in May from a former student of mine. It was Teacher Appreciation week and her High School literature teacher required a written letter about a teacher of inspiration. Micaela Brown wrote about me. Here are her words.

Dear Mr. Smith,

Hello, Hi, Hey there! No…. no… that just does not sound right. I must have missed the English class on “how to address your 5th grade Language Arts teacher, when writing him a completely random and long overdue letter” My name is Michaela Brown, ring any bells? If not I do understand; it would be unrealistic to think that you would remember all the students you have taught. For my sake, I am going to pretend as if you do remember, and maybe hopefully I had a slight impact on you. There are so many things I want to say to you in this letter, and it will inevitably surpass the apposite length an e-mail should be. I suppose I can start with the meaning behind this letter. As you probably know, Teacher Appreciation Week is being celebrated this week. (It has always baffled me as to why there is not a Student Appreciation Week?) In English class we were assigned the task of writing a letter to a teacher who we appreciate. Yes, that is why I am writing to you. Appreciate is not the word that should be used… admire, immensely grateful to, or owe all their beliefs in life to, yes these words will suffice. They are pretty powerful words, but they are every bit true. You have influenced me as student, writer, and as a person, in ways your mind has never fathomed.

First off is how you molded me as a student. Before fifth grade I was a mediocre student, and I was perfectly fine with that. It was not until I stepped through the doors of your classroom that I came to find being mediocre was not okay with me. I think I always have had the brain power to be extremely intelligent; it was the drive which I was lacking. Your classroom and your teaching techniques were the motivation I needed. You were the first teacher that actually cared, that made me use all the untapped potential I had lingering inside me. For that I am forever grateful to you. I took this new found inspiration and applied it to all my classes and am still using it in high school today. It is safe to say that I stand out in the academic ranking in my class of 460 students at Phillipsburg High School . You always told me being different was not a bad thing. I really took this bit of advice to heart. In high school all my peers are struggling to fit in, and are trying to conform to normality, I am not. Standing out in academics, extra curricular, and moral values is very important to me. Please do not get the wrong idea here. I am not the girl who wears black and eats her hair, not that kind of different. I really do blame you for sparking my passion for learning. I feel as if my education is my most important asset. I enjoy coming to school, because learning something new excites me! (This is what I mean when I say “different” from most kids)

Secondly how you have influenced me as a writer. This is going to be the most difficult section for me to write. I cannot express in words how much I owe this to you. I hated Language Arts class before fifth grade. I could not spell to save my life, writing was dull, and I detested reading. Oh how things have changed! English is my absolute favorite class in school. My Honors I English class is my favorite part of my day. This may sound terribly cliché, but you helped me to fall in love. I have fallen in love with the English language. Words have such an important meaning in my life. Words are the threads that hold together my life! I find them beautiful, and this is all because of you. I know my passion might seem a tad bit obsessive, but I do not view that as a negative thing. I read more than I breathe! Getting lost in the pages of brilliant authors such as Austin, Eliot, Kafka, and Tolstoy is what I do on a daily basis. My new obsession happens to be the Bronte sisters. All this from a girl who hated reading four years ago is rather surprising. Writing is also an infatuation of mine. I am on the school news paper staff and love every single second of it. I have been accepted to an internship this summer at the New York Times. All of these amazing things are because of you. I will never ever be able to express my gratitude to you; there simply are not words in our stunning language that can depict my emotion.

My third and final debt to you is how you have shaped me as a person. This one my not have been as obvious to you. I credit so much to you, in developing myself as person. My character was tested very much so in fifth grade. Looking back on it, this is the year when I discovered who I truly am. I believe that life is an ever changing thing, and life is not about finding who you are it is about creating who you are. Well you have had a vast impact on the creation of Michaela Brown. My enthusiasm for life is still something I hold dear to my heart. This was usually reprimanded in the classroom, but not in your class. My loud and slightly obnoxious personality is who I am. I do believe my quick wit and cunning banter all started in fifth grade. Not only is my character attributed to you, but many of my accomplishments. Mr. Smith you believed in me, you believed in me more than I believe in myself. Honestly you believed in me more than anyone else. After fifth grade the transition to middle school is when the awkward caterpillar bloomed into a beautiful confident butterfly. I came out of my shell! I made so many new friends. I am still good friends with Alexa Semon and Gabriella Razzano. However, my best friend is Paige Gurski. We are quite the dynamic duo.

One other thing that might surprise you is my involvement with Student Council. In sixth grade I was voted into the Student Council and it changed my life. Making speeches to the masses, being a productive leader, and my love of people all blossomed in Student council. I became Student Council President in 8^th grade. The thing that changed me the most was the NJASC. In seventh grade I became emerged in the New Jersey Association of Student Councils. It is an association that works to combine all the student councils in New Jersey and develop our young leaders by helping them to further expand their leadership skills. I was than elected onto a state wide board of nine outstanding student leaders in out state. The leadership craze has followed me into high school and I am currently president of the Class of 2012. The experiences I have taken from these opportunities have made me who I am, and I owe these things to you. You were the one that gave me the courage to try. You were the one who inspired me to imagine being better. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope you know how much you have impacted me and all the other students you have taught. You are more than a teacher; you are an inspiration, role model, and positive change in someone’s life. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Michaela Brown

If I concerned myself about what other people thought and spent all my time worrying about what I can't change, then I'll miss out on the Michaela Brown's out there... that wouldn't be leading from wherever position I occupy in this life' orchestra... life too short and it's not that serious.

I Am A Contribution

I have talked before about leading one of the Praise and Worship teams at Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship. What's required of me takes much out of me. My responsibilities call for me to plan the music for the month, get with the musicians to rehearse the teaching of the songs, teach the team all the parts; which by the way has strengthened my GarageBand skills. Before meeting with my team I record all the parts individually and put them on a vocal CD against the original song and give it to the appropriate vocalist. Then we rehearse 3 times a month with a dress rehearsal on the Tuesday before we sing on our Sunday. Then there's Bible Study that Wednesday night prior to our Sunday that I have to lead. Now, mind you, I enjoy every minute of it but being in such a large church that is lead by a world renowned and highly respected pastor who has a major recording artist for one son and a NFL running back for another. Members of my church include Hershall Walker, Tim Brown, Kirk Franklin, Joy Omega, and Derrick Morrison. All who have done some major things... who am I too lead worship service? How was little ole' me making a contribution? Well, this past Sunday I dreaded singing. So much was going on at home, work; Full Sail was killing me and my praise team sounded absolutely dreadful in the rehearsals we were able to have; one being cancelled due to a death in the family. When I got off my knees, I gave myself and "A", invented my own world of possibilities based on my faith and somewhere lifted from above I could see my contribution. When I brought my team off the stage, with my eyes closed I could see true worship taking place. Hands were raised, mouths were open, tears were streaming... the person who was to do the welcome needed a moment to collect himself. My contribution was to let go and let God have his way and boy did he. Regardless of what the calculated world said would happen on Sunday based on our preparation, I made the determination that I was going to make my contribution and I'm humbled because of it.

Giving An "A"

Every school year for the past 3 years I've been in Texas, I have started off the school year with a "cleaning of the slate" activity which included letting my students know that everyone starts off with an "A". I've enjoyed the looks on the fearful faces in the class that expressed how they truly felt about 5th grade in Texas. Because this is a high testing state, the 5th grade is a critical level for Reading, Math, and Science. If you a student does not pass with 70% for any of the test, the penalty is repeating 5th grade. A ridiculous amount of pressure to put on a 10 yr old, well, sometimes 11 yr old's shoulders. They dread coming to school especially if they have a weakness for any of the subjects. Those same fearful eyes relax just a bit when they realize that all they have to do is keep their "A" and just concentrate on what I'm teaching them in preparation for the test. What they don't realize is, I'm not preparing them for the TAKS test, I'm preparing them for life's test. I attempt to teach them that discoveries are made when mistakes happen. I have quotes all around my room to help motivate my students into believing in themselves and to understand that this test does not define them. After listening to Benjamin Zander read from his book, I'm even more inspired to continue with this practice, but he made me take it even further. My son is starting Kindergarten this year and he has not shown any interest in learning. Now, as an educator, that's hard for me. However, I gave him an A for what he does do well and I was amazed at all the great things he has already accomplished that had been clouded by his lack of desire to learn to read. He'll get the reading eventually, I chose to give him an "A" so that I can love him now. I'm working on my wife next. (just kidding... she gets an "A+". What my son would rather do then read! His influence is great on my younger one.

It's All Invented...Really?

What a brutal week! I reported to school on Monday and walked into an ambush. The promises that I based the signature of my contract on were broken without remorse. Instead the give one for the gipper speech was either get on the bus or get off. Well, for me instead, I got on an airplane to San Antonio for a training session that I didn't know I was signed up for. I've been given new responsibilities that if asked before, I would not have accepted. However, this gave me a great opportunity to play the game...it's all invented anyway. My choice of reaction let everyone around me realize that my circumstances don't determine my reaction, yet my reaction changes my circumstances. Though the plane ride was short, I got the chance to listen to Ros and Benjamin Zander articulate their book The Art of Possibility. I was thrilled to purchase the audio version of the book, I figured I might as well considering I have two copies of the bestseller. I simply nodded my head several times as I reflected on the idea that the we see situations and have a choice on how we adapt. Now, I could have assumed that my district was using me or setting me up, considering the unhappiness I have been experiencing. However, my reaction was simply, "Ooh, I get to go to the Alamo and prepare for one of my lessons!" Later on someone asked me how to I hide my emotions or stress so well, knowing that this was difficult for me and my family to swallow. My response was that God has a reason for everything and I'm very curious to find out what that reason is. That's what makes it fun.

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